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Gaffer'sGirl
Adjutant General
Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Posts: 4920
Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA.
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 Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:06 pm Post subject: |
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 Quite funny. I can envision someone just standing there tossing toilet paper into the pool of water. While they prance having to go to the bathroom. |
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Shipmate
Major-General
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 3023
Location: Lost in Moonacre Forest
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| Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:40 pm Post subject: |
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Too funny! Yes,I hear the "'post to" phrase here where I live a little more often than I'm 'post to,I'm afraid. 
_________________
"...I met a teacher called Colin Smith....an immaculate man in everything he did;...no one ever mucked around in his classes...but he was also very fair,and he seemed to think there was something worthwhile about me." (from THE KID,by Kevin Lewis) |
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StevieT
General
Joined: 22 Apr 2007
Posts: 4152
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 9:30 am Post subject: |
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Got this one from our Facebook site supporting the Coldstream Guards' families (thanks Annie Rowbottom)
| Quote: | A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, the in flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. Whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser." You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great. They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "That's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me! Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
"He said, 'Where'd you get the shitty hairdo?' |
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Gaffer'sGirl
Adjutant General
Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Posts: 4920
Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA.
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 9:46 am Post subject: |
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| I guess life is what you make of it, isn't it? |
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Shipmate
Major-General
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 3023
Location: Lost in Moonacre Forest
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| Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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Good one,love it!
_________________
"...I met a teacher called Colin Smith....an immaculate man in everything he did;...no one ever mucked around in his classes...but he was also very fair,and he seemed to think there was something worthwhile about me." (from THE KID,by Kevin Lewis) |
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StevieT
General
Joined: 22 Apr 2007
Posts: 4152
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:37 pm Post subject: |
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Some more pearls ofwisdom from Annie R......
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
10. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
11. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
12. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
13. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
14. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
15. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
16. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
17. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
18. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
19. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
20. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
21. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
22. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
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Shipmate
Major-General
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 3023
Location: Lost in Moonacre Forest
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:17 pm Post subject: |
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So many of these are so good,but I especially smiled at #s 6,7,16,and21.
_________________
"...I met a teacher called Colin Smith....an immaculate man in everything he did;...no one ever mucked around in his classes...but he was also very fair,and he seemed to think there was something worthwhile about me." (from THE KID,by Kevin Lewis) |
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Gaffer'sGirl
Adjutant General
Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Posts: 4920
Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Me likes! |
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