Wheeeeee. Ice!
So this is my first ice storm without aid.  Velvetpaws is away and we had several mini ice storms after another.  Small trifles that pretty much melted away--until last night.  The combination of super high winds and icy rain as left the property polished into a solid ice mirror.   Okay.  V'Paws doesn't like to use salt because the garden is too close to the drive way and it kills the grass...not much sand left and the shovels wouldn't dent it -- not even the spades.  But LO!  Nat's father has a harpoon like thingy in the outer shed that he used to break up ice.   I shall go fetch harpoon thingy and chop up the ice. Now, I don't like to admit this but I am 200 freaking pounds and there can't be more than 2 inches of ice out there in the outer meadows and the slope leading to the outer meadows.  I was sure my girth would be no match for it. WRONG. Trah-la-la-la-la.....WHOOOOOOOSH! Suddenly I was a human toboggan going 30 miles an hour---rocking past the shed..byebye shed---and slid down field until a high clump of rather hard earth stopped me from going past the property line and into the cattle field.   Well that was kinda fun. and then I attempted to walk back to the shed. i had pulled or torn something in my right shoulder about 3 weeks ago making a huge batch of scones (of all things) and it was just now starting to heal to the point that I could move without it going into to big charlie horse like spasms.  Guess which shoulder I kept landing on?   So after 4 attempts to simply propel myself in the normal bipedal fashion of walking, I had to solider crawl like I was in a frozen north level of Halo to the shed to retrieve the ice harpoon. Then I couldn't get my feet under me to stand to open the shed.  Now I was getting mad.  I can see the grass poking up though the ice so its not like I'm in the f**king arctic here.  Finally I lunged for the knob and flung myself into the shed, retrieved ice harpoon.  Ah, my weapon, my leverage....my ice whore pole dancing.  There were two instances where my feet  went into two different directions and I had no choice but to hold onto the pole -- basically it looked like i was sliding down the pole into a spastic, yet tantalizing Russian split. YaHAAAAA!  with a mighty Valkyrie cry, I thrust the ice harpoon into the ice and it did...nothing.  a little chip skittered about 4 inches, mocking me as it went. I tried a different area.  Same thing. Little ice chips skittling away gaily as I sob. And something took out our driveway light.  Luckily not the stone pillar it sits on but the brass light fixture is totally twisted and the glass broken. So.  Salt it was.  Nat comes home tomorrow and i am clearly to full of Death by Dork to get the ice off the driveway myself without some sort of melting medium.  Plus we are running out of sand.

Mim, you should be writing professionally: your talent for telling about experiences that must not have been easy to live through bringing a light touch to them is quite unique. Anyway, this confirms my old theory that snow and ice storms are only nice from the safety of your home, but they are not much fun if you have to get outdoors during or just after them or you have to clear your property from ice or snow.

um ... ouch. I actually got the mental image! Probably 'cuz I've been there, done that, moved south of the Mason-Dixon line! We get ice here too, but not so much that boiling water can't conquer. :wink:

Don't miss those winters in the North one bit! No way, no how!!!! (Enjoyed this piece, Mim!)

I can manage to slide around like that even without ice. Walking back from my sister's today, I stepped on a spot of mud. Next thing I knew I was laying on my back on the ground with my foot under me. No real damage done except mud in my Croc and on my jacket. Are you sure we're not long lost cousins, Mim? :wink: Once again you've written a well told and entertaining story!

Mim - I heard of that storm. One of our offices had to shut down and cancel their Christmas party because of that terrible storm. And by the way: I second what Frances said - you should be in creative writing!! I almost spit my beef sandwich all over my computer!