What Would You Have Done?

What Would You Have Done?
I'm writing this because something happened tonight that I'm still stressed out about and not at all sure I made the right decision. Because of it I'm not likely to sleep very well anyway. So, I decided to present it here and have you, my friends tell me whether or not you think I handled the situation correctly. I decided to go to the movies this evening. All day long the weather was bad and though it had stopped raining, it was still pretty foggy. Anyway, I was headed west toward the movie theater when the driver of the pick-up truck in front of me kept putting on the brakes. Finally, it pulled over to the side and as I started to pass an elderly man stuck his hand out the window and flagged me. I stopped and rolled down the passenger window. He was lost and trying to find the Highway and then wanted to go to Sequim which was to the East. I explained that the Highway was a mile up the road and he should turn left where I turned right. I could tell he didn't quite get it , so I told him to follow me onto the Highway, that I would get him going East. Once he was on the Highway going the correct direction, I would get off and head back to the West. So, that's what we did. I drove on the Highway for several miles before peeling off and heading back West toward the Movie theater. To make a long story semi-short, turns out he saw me turn and followed me off the Highway and back around on country roads back the other way, only I didn't realize it until I got to the theater. When I got to the Movie Theater (which is right off the Highway) and he parked next to me. So, I got out and talked to him again. Explained that he was supposed to stay on the Highway to get to Sequim. I pointed out the Highway entrance and which way to go. He repeated it. Then, he said he was actually going past Sequim toward the casino (which is about 20 miles away) and that he lived near there. I explained he should just stay on the Highway all the way. Then, I asked if there was anyone I could call and he said he was 92, that his wife was dead and he had just buried his dog recently, so there was no one to call. He got kind of teary at that point. I asked if he was going to be OK and he said he'd be fine once he got to Sequim. So, I stayed outside and watched him as he drove to the Highway to make sure he got there OK and he did. Then, I went into the movie. Now, the question - Did I do enough? I felt like maybe I should have had him follow me to Sequim (about 10 miles each way). But he might have followed me back the wrong way again. Or should I have guided him all the way to the Casino? In which case, he still would have had 5 more miles to his home. What would you have done? Should I have called the State Patrol? He wasn't driving dangerously or doing anything wrong. He just seemed a little upset because he was lost on a dark, country road. There are no street lights and very few buildings in this area, mostly just woods, though there were other cars on the Highway. I find myself quite worried about whether or not he made it all the way home. Just hope I can sleep tonight.

I would have probably done the same as you did, GG, if I had been in your place. Calling the police or the county patrol wouldn't have been an option where I live because they wouldn't have gotten there to help unless I told them the person in front of me was truly very confused and, thus, unable to drive anywhere on his own, driving dangerously, or doing something wrong. Think that they don't get there to help even in case of accidents, unless someone was injured or there are many cars involved. Anyway, this elderly man reminds me of my 82-year-old grandmother, who has not much sense of direction and is prone to fall prey of states of anxiety. She stopped driving at night and on foggy days after she lost her bearings on a foggy winter night and picked the wrong road to get back home from a friend's house.

I don't think it would have been wise to do any more than you did, GG. You already went out of your way to help this poor man. Things would have been very different here, as this is a city with police in the vicinity at all times. We also have Community Support Officers for situations just such as this. I hope you have not had too much of a sleepless night. Perhaps it's just the shell that nurses have to develop professionally, but there is always that question in your mind 'Did i do enough? Could I have done things differently?', but you have to shut it off and move on. I think you have shown compassion and fellow-feeling for another human being when they sorely needed it and should be at peace with yourself. (however, it does not surprise me that you are so concerned, my friend, knowing what a caring person you are :hug )

Gaff all you did was right. You helped him and you were concerned. Of course there is always the question, did I do enough. Should you have guided him to his home ? There are some things I do not understand very well. Why must a man of 92 go to the casino in the evening? What is he doing there ? Why is he still driving a car ? Does he tell the truth or is it a person who is trying to let you walk into a trap (perhaps with help from others to steel your car or other scary things). If this should happen in my area, where there are street lights everywhere and enough buildings, and no woods, I think I should guide him home. But first I should ask his papers and see where he really lives. And if it would not be correct, I should call the police. Here they should come immediately. But that does not happen here. This is not America. But in your place, I would have done the same and not more because I feel some danger when I read your story and it reminds me of a scary movie. So Gaff, sleep well tonight. You are a good person with a good hearth. So do not blame yourself of anything and do not have bad feelings.

Thank you for your kindness, ladies. I think I'll be checking the news for the next day or two to make sure he has not come up missing. Just so you know, Marthe - I think the Casino was a landmark where he turns to get to his home. It is a place most around here are familiar with because it is right off the Highway. There is only one Highway that circles the whole Peninsula. Unlike most of the time when you think of a big Highway, it is not very wide - only one lane each way. I did think perhaps I should be wary, especially when he followed me to the theater. But I could see there was no one else in the truck and he was just an old, confused man. There is very little crime in this area, but it does happen. Frances - I thought about all my older relatives and how I would hope a stranger would help them. Because this area is so isolated and even more so in the past, many of the old timers are made of tough stuff. They are very independent and used to making their own way or making do. It does become hard to know if they should still be doing things like driving on their own, doesn't it? Stevie - I don't know how you do it. I know you relieve the stress with a sense of humor, but I would likely have an ulcer, too. Many :hug and :applause: :applause: :applause: for our :nurse who helps people everyday. I truly admire what you do.

There are some things I do not understand very well. Why must a man of 92 go to the casino in the evening? What is he doing there ? Why is he still driving a car ? Does he tell the truth or is it a person who is trying to let you walk into a trap (perhaps with help from others to steel your car or other scary things). This is not a remark addressed to you personally, Marthe, because this is a thought I'd probably have, too, if I were in the same situation as GG, but isn't it sad that an elderly man approaching you at night might be trying to walk you into a trap? :hmm: But first I should ask his papers and see where he really lives. And if it would not be correct, I should call the police. Here they should come immediately. In Italy, you don't have the right to ask to see someone else's papers, unless you are a police officer or a public official. Frances - I thought about all my older relatives and how I would hope a stranger would help them. Because this area is so isolated and even more so in the past, many of the old timers are made of tough stuff. They are very independent and used to making their own way or making do. It does become hard to know if they should still be doing things like driving on their own, doesn't it? In fact, it was only after she got lost, that my grandmother made up her mind to ask me, my brothers, or my mother to drive her to places when it's foggy or dark, or when she has to go far or to places that are unusual for her. I wonder, though, what she would do, if she had nobody she felt comfortable asking for a lift living near her.

It is very hard to give up that independence of driving, isn't it? I think I'll find it extremely difficult. In the U.S. I might ask the man to show me his driver's license to confirm where he lives and who he is, but it's always possible he has not updated it or it's a fake. We are not required to carry any identification, unless we are driving. Although an ID card does make things more convenient and necessary if someone wants to buy alcohol or write a check. You might have to retrieve your birth certificate from home to prove you are a citizen or for a foriegn resident (their green card) to prove you are legal. But for a citizen, I don't think it's required to have on you. Now for the new weird thing. Last night, I was driving back from Silverdale which is about 70 miles from home. Once I hit our local Highway, I was driving behind a vehicle that was going slightly under the speed limit. After a few minutes, it dawned on me that it was a white pickup truck very similar to the one the old man was driving. I passed the truck just before reaching the Casino area and the driver was alone and an older man. I'm not 100% sure it was the same guy, but it looked a lot like him and he was wearing a similar hat. Kind of strange. I couldn't tell if he turned off near the Casino because he was too far behind me, but gave me a chill none the less.

Gaff that is indeed a mysterious situation. Who is that man ? I understand that it gave you a chill. I don't know what to think about it. It seems like stuff for a creepy story "The mysterious man on the Highway". Sorry I think I watch to much trillers. Frances, you are right. I am to suspicious. And of course I have no right to ask his papers. But I think with a confused man, I should only do it because I would be concerned. In that case I think at my mother-in-law, who had left her house and did not know where she was (afterwards it seems she had Alzheimer). She was forgotten her address. People who have helped her, have asked her passport and have brought her to her house. As for you Stevie, I also admire you a lot. You have a job that gives you so much satifsfaction, helping people. If I could do it again, I would do a job where I could help people or animals.

It did seem like a creepy story to me when I thought I saw him again on Friday night. Or maybe a sign - like a man already dead driving along the Highways. More than likely, if it was him a second time, it is just because the population is low in this area, so there is a higher chance that you run into someone you've seen before. Possible Alzheimer's was some of the concern that I had for the man, Marthe. Hard to tell if he was just confused or had real issues that might endanger him or other people. My parents don't like it when people presume they don't understand instructions or new technologies because they have gray hair. Makes these choices harder. Are you helping someone or offending them?

Hi GG, Know I'm getting in late on this conversation,but I think you did as much for the old gentleman as you possibly could under the circumstances. It's so hard to know what to do sometimes on the spur of the moment. Poor thing! How confusing it must have been for him! And,I know how awkward it felt for you to deal with as well. I've had some similar experiences with older people in my work experiences over the years,and I know what your mean, "Did I do enough?" In this case,it sounds like you took every humanitarian step you could have.

Thanks, it does make me feel better. I just envision the newspaper stories of "Man found by the side of the road and no one helped." and wonder if I helped enough. So far, no newspaper stories, so I'll assume he made it home.

Yes,that seems like a good sign at least.

In the U.S. I might ask the man to show me his driver's license to confirm where he lives and who he is, but it's always possible he has not updated it or it's a fake. We are not required to carry any identification, unless we are driving. Although an ID card does make things more convenient and necessary if someone wants to buy alcohol or write a check. In Italy, too, we are not required to carry any ID, unless we are driving. Though there are situation - such as when someone wants to write a check or use a credit card to pay bills - when an ID makes things easier. However, ID's here serve more to confirm who you are than where you live, as there are quite a few people that when they move, they don't update their address on their ID's till when they have to renew them. Frances, you are right. I am to suspicious. And of course I have no right to ask his papers. I think you're right to be suspicious, Marthe. I've heard of several cases where someone's kindness and goodwill have been taken advantage of. My parents don't like it when people presume they don't understand instructions or new technologies because they have gray hair. Makes these choices harder. Are you helping someone or offending them? Ha, I remember that I once offered my seat on a bus to an elderly lady and she angrily told me to mind my business.

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