The Netzero Clause
“but you can still use us after you're dead.” or Why I have decided to go to South Africa to escape my internet provider. By Mimian I changed internet providers when I moved in with Nat. Having been evicted and money being very tight, I made the agonizing change from Mindspring, which I had for over 11 years and paid $23.99 a month, to Netzero and the low cost of about $9.00 a month. Mindspring was sad to see me go after such a long run with them but I explained that it was because money was an issue now and...meaning absolutely no offense to my customer service rep to whom I was dealing with, because they had outsourced their Support and Customer Service out to overseas. He groaned and I softened the Political remark by stating that I understood better than anyone that people needed good paying jobs, but I also thought that some American cultural idiosyncrasies shouldn't be forced on other cultures. Like smiling. Some cultures just don't smile and when companies like McDonald's went global, they had to teach and force people to smile. He got a kick out of that and laughed. I wasn't sure where I had reached, presumingly India or Pakistan, but we bonded and he bade of sad good-bye to me as he cancelled my account. I have lived here with Nat for almost a year now and she cable modem. I rarely used my dial up in my room. Though $9.00 isn't a grand expense, JoAnn's has cut their hours and $9.00 is part of gas money. So I called Netzero to cancel my account. WHAT. AN. ODYSSEY. OH. MY. GOD. I stated my reasons. And he persisted that I stay. I stated my reasons again. Again, he persisted that I stay their customer and offered me a month free service since I had no money. A month wasn't going to do it. He came up with another counter offer. And another, and another and another and another and another and then after about a half hour of this I asked what happens when I die? “Oh, you can use it after you die. We just switch the account to your relatives, you see...no reason what-so-ever to cancel.” Now, I am not the sort of person to loose my patience with a customer service rep. Only once did I loose my cool with one and that was with Capital One when they called me at 11:30pm and I had to contend with Guido the Killer ex-pimp who was now in charge of getting their $300 that I owed them. I would have rather had the 'Better Off Dead' paperboy chasing me far into the depths of hell screaming for his $2 than have to deal with the effusive behavior that I received from Guido the Killer Customer Service Bill Collector. So AGAIN, I tried nicely to cancel my account and again I was blocked by polite persistent offers. Another 27 mins clicked painfully by as all my attempts of cancellation were met with heaps of reason why I need their company and counter offers. Finally the pathological liar from my bad-ass days of being a hoodlum came rocketing to the surface. “I won't be needed your services because God has called me.” I suddenly blurted. Oh, my little liar inside me had firm control of my brain cells. I was no longer in the driver's seat. All I could do is hang on. “...wha...I'm sorry...” “God. You know god, God has called me. Finally. I am to do his marvelous work. God has called me to South Africa. I won't be needed you in South Africa. God doesn't use email.” “But...uh....you can still receive your email for we are global and most laptop have wifi....” “Look, I am going to South Africa to do God's work. I will be with the families of the Diamond miners who suffer unspeakable punishments if the miners don't make their quota. Besides email takes all the fun out of missionary work. You must write letters home so that they can get cool stamps and postage marks from other countries...” “Oh, but a laptop with wifi AND an account with us will be beneficial to you....” “I AM GOING TO AFRICA. A-F-R-I-C-A. DEEPEST, DARKEST AFRICA. WHERE THERE IS DEATH AND INJUSTICE. I WILL BE SQUATTING AMONGST THE CHILDREN WHO HAVE HAD LIMBS CUT OFF BECAUSE THEIR FATHERS DIDN'T MAKE THEIR QUOTA. I WILL BE WRAPPING STUMPY ARMS AND LEGS, HANDING OUT BANDAGES, ANTIBIOTICS AND LITTLE PACKETS OF SALT SINCE LITTLE PACKETS OF SALT (YOU KNOW THE ONES YOU GET IN FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS) CAN SAVE A CHILD FROM DYING FROM DISENTARY. I AM GOING TO BE WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE GUNS. LOTS AND LOTS OF GUNS CARRIED BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE ME. I AM BRINGING MYSELF, TOILET PAPER, A PEN, MY PASSPORT, MY SOCIAL SECURITY TATTOOED ON SEVERAL PARTS OF MY BODY IN CASE I AM CHOPPED INTO PIECES AND GOD SINCE HE AS CALLED MY TO DO HIS BIDDING....I WON'T NEED EMAIL OR INTERNET AMONGST THE WRETCHED. BESIDES, A LAPTOP IS EXCELLENT THING TO KILL ME FOR.” “oh yes...we here many bad things about south Africa. they will kill you there.” “Not to worry, my dad is an ex-cop. He's giving me a vest and he has instilled massive ducking skills. NOW. PLEASE CANCEL MY ACCOUNT. “are you sure you don't want to keep it in case you have to send for help?” Deep steading breath. “Who would I email? You can't email while you are running your ass off whilst dodging a storm of automatic weaponry fire. And if GOD can't hear me in a situation like that and save my ass. I doubt that the American embassy can get there any faster. Now, for the LOVE OF HEAVEN, CANCEL MY ACCOUNT. “are you sure, Ma'am?” don't start crying. Don't start crying. Don't start screaming, No screaming. No crying. Remain angelic. Remain tranquil. Missionaries are tranquil. Take a xanax. No don't take a xanax. This is not worth a xanax yet. He cannot possibly come up with another offer. He just can't. “yes.” “My supervisor wished to speak to you and discuss the reasons why your are cancelling your account. Please hold.” no, this can't be happening. I must be making up for some horrible thing in a past life. I must be trying to make up for bad Karma. This is like the Twilight Zone. I'll be on with call for 20 years. They will never let me go. Somehow I have sold my soul to Netzero. “Helllloooooo, Miss Russo.....” ““AFRICA! GOING AFRICA. FUCKING AFRICA! I AM GOING TO AFRICA DAMMIT! GOD'S WORK! TOILET PAPER! TOILET PAPER, A PEN, A FLACK JACKET AND GOD. DUCKING. I WILL BE DUCKING A LOT!!!I DO NOT NEED YOUR SERVICES WHERE I AM GOING!!!!!!!! GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME A-L-O-N-E!!!!! “You do know Miss Russo that most laptops now come with wifi.....” *Heavy sign. Lunges for the Xanax bottle.* “...and there for you can keep in contact with your loved ones while you are in Africa. Shall I outline the many programs we now have that can be beneficial to you?” I should have seen this. If they have a clause for death, then they ain't lettin you go. EVER. Finally, as a last resort. I resorted to the thing I didn't want to resort to. "Yes, but I can walk into any South African Starbucks and use my Google account" *Insulted Gasp!* So that was it eh? I was a secret google using missionary from god. He was highly affronted that I was abandoning his company for a free Google Mail account. He then crisply cancelled my account in a way that told me that I would really have to do missionary work to atone for the sin of cancelling my account with them. Heard his fingers fly across the computer keys in disobliged movements. I was finally bade "GOOD DAY!" in high dudgeon and my Despicable self was released from my obligations and cast away due to the fact that I am person that respectable people should avoid any possible contact. Their support staff will have to boil their ears clean now that they have used them to hear my insidious voice, Google harlot that I was. Oh the shame. :tongue: PS--The above is by no means meant to make fun of anyone who does or will ever do missionary work or has heeded THE CALL. It is also not meant to make light of any situation go on in 3rd world countries. My father often points out that I would make a very good missionary (if I had a set religion that did that sort of thing) or an activist. He has, through out my life, expected to turn on the tv to find me chained to a tree somewhere in protest and to protect the spotted, furball, feathered speckled spider warblers. I have for the last two years been contemplating going to Africa because people need help. Massive amounts of help. I needed something to do with my life since I was a waste of space and going to Africa in some sort of relief group might ease my guilt. I have also comptemplated becoming a nun. Again the religion thing came into play. I wonder if there are any NeoPagan nunaries out there anywhere. "Yes," My father said with bright sarcasm. "They're called C-U-L-T-S." on the subject of Africa: "You'll be dead before you hit the tarmat." My father stated flately and forebade me to go harrowing off there to rescue children. "Rescue yourself first." He grunted. "Then we will talk about you going to Africa." drat.

Oh! The dreaded cancellation call. I had to do my cell phone recently - it took over an hour and then they sent me a bill for re-instating my account before cancelling it. Needless to say, that took another call. Very funny and very true, Mim.

Oh, that sounds like the problems I had last year when I cancelled my account with one phone company/internet provider to switch to another (cheaper) one.

That makes me never want to sign up with anybody or anything. Ever. :mrgreen: :rotf:

Sometimes, I feel like they take advantage of the fact that few of us are willing or in a position to do without certain services or goods. :wink:

Very true. I get frustrated to the point of thinking - why do I even owe you a reason for wanting to quit your service other than that I want to quit your service. I was at the end of my contract - that is all I owe them. This time I signed up with a pay as you go service, no contracts. Hopefully, that will be better.

Hey, Mods! Do these 'going round in circles' problems ring a bell? We ae having the same thing with our web host, as we try to get IZ.com on line. Sheeeeeesh! :angry2:

Yes, these 'going around in circles' rang that bell. I wonder if someone discovered how to deal with corporate world and made themselves heard without having to 'fight' for attention to their own needs.

We are, Mim, and we're almost there - if our host can ever get off its backside and iron out whatever technical hitch is preventing us from getting online. Sigh....... :roll: Watch this space for news, (but I suggest you bring sandwiches!)

Stevie has put in a tremendous amount of work and a lot of tenacity on getting a bigger and better version on Ioanzone launched. As Mim's story about Netzero shows, the computer age has brought about many technical advances and also created many frustrations due to human error being perpetuated by machines (and lack of being able to actually talk to a person). Anything more I'll let Stevie say, but my kudos to Stevie (and Frances for her knowledge).

AW, thankyou GG! :blush2: It is a labour of love, however (or a least it was til I hit the brick wall that is The Support Centre!) :wall: I don't want to say too much at the moment, in case it's a while before we can launch, but it's a case of building a site around the Zone - the forum remains the focal centre of Ioanzone with the rest as peripherals. Keep the faith and we'll get there!:Knight :The General: