Julian cheered, getting onto the board flying away to Metopia, their aerial safe haven. They were never to be seen again. Never? Not with your speedos on and only if Julian refrains from bum-raid and asks: "Where's Piccine? Did she fall off the Indy?" "No McMahon, she is safe and right behind you! Look!" Piccine walked towards Julian and said: "Hello Julian, may I grab your wallet and go away to buy you something to cover your modesty? Before long she bought a lovely pair of trousers, with great relief, the IBRP cheered. Horatio grinned broadly as well. Horatio had become tired of remaining soiled, so he shucked his clothes and asked the IBRP to man the pump and turn it on. They sprayed Horatio who was entertaining them with a dazzling show that included hands-free towel-twirling, moonwalking on the deck and a lovely rendition of "Walk This Way". Incorporating his own moves. Everyone looked on incredulously. Horatio had no shame and said: "Join me for a chorus line!" The IBRP, equipped with syrup and chocolate, began to pour very carefully on the still-dancing Horatio. "WHOAA!! That's cold!" He gasped, as he reached for the nearest out-stretched bottle to squirt it onto Crumpet. The IBRP liked jam on crumpets, so they gathered around him and happily nibbled on his nails. "Hey!" he cried. "That tickles!" Horatio was feeling neglected, so he said: "Piccine, make them come back!" "Aye Aye" she answered, saluting and grabbing hold of Sarita, syrup keeper. Pulling free a bottle out of the blue and squirting Horatio all over with Love Potion #9, making Horatio indescribably irresistible to all passing. Unfortunately, Styles picked that moment to pass by, so he said: "what's that pink stuff on you? It smells indescribably irresistible!" Styles started to drool uncontrollably all over Horatio. Horatio's eyes widened in disgust. "I've only just completed my deck shower... and I see PicciHaon." PicciHaon, the legendary sea monster, which was trying to get the axe-effect. Meanwhile Lancelot was enjoying a massage from a beautiful masseuse called Ranchera who started on his bum before going on to even better places! After the massage Lancelot felt a little frisky and wanted to go to other places too. Like heaven and such. But Archie and Hoss took it upon themselves to meet his frisky friend, Horatio, and rescue him from the love potion by throwing him overboard, diving in after him for some swimming fun. Horatio didn't need potion to attract IBRP "rescuers". Archie being a first class mate, unselfishly gave his friend a sponge-bath. A red speedo bobbed on the horizon, but with no occupant. Suddenly the speedo becomes a parachute for an apparently drunken Horatio's life vest. Horatio slipped his arms through the flotation device and fell asleep. When he woke up, he was surprised to find a fish nibbling on his bum. It felt weird at first but strangely tantalizing. Horatio looked down and realised it wasn't a fish, but a love hungry mermaid!! She smiled and giggled and flapped her tail in complete ecstasy over nibbling on Horatio's bum. However, this mermaid looked oddly familiar. Like a seriously obsessed fan, only he enjoyed the nibbling! "Could you do that equally on each cheek?" She smiled again and dove deep beneath Horatio's delicious tasting bum and said, "Oh my, I haven't seen a creature quite like that since that dream I had about the LOTF!!" Horatio was satisfied, until a huge wave swept a speedo-clad villain who attempted to spoil the fun towards them. The mermaid dove into the ocean, pulling Horatio far beneath the surface. Blowing air into his mouth, she swam towards the small deserted island. "Oh, Horatio," she moaned. "Hold on to my shoulders as I breathe and float on my back until we get to the island. Then, i will give you resuscitation if you've swallowed any water." Horatio tried to thank her but he choked and struggled. She grabbed his waist when they reached the shore and gently pulled him from her back. "Wa-choo!" Horatio sneezed, scaring the mermaid who was wringing out her tail. "Oh, I'm all wet!" Horatio smiled at her. "I'll dry you with this fuzzy little rat i keep in my breeches. She's also nice but sometimes a little nibbly. Which is why you two should get along quite nicely. I--I--" Horatio stuttered, looking around quickly again, "I think we should start making a hut. We need to stay dry." The mermaid looked at him. "I need water to survive, sweet Horatio." "But I'll keep you wet", he replied. "With handfuls of sea water." "Oh thank you Horatio! But...what's that behind you coming out of the seafoam?" It's Archie and he's got no pants on! "Hey there!" Archie yelled. "The mermaid stole my stockings!! I left them inside the closet that's right behind Pellew's paisley robe. I knew I shouldn't have! How did she get in there, or did she just pretend that she was me?" Horatio looked at the mermaid, and said softly: "You have stolen my heart, my clothes and my midshipman. Archie, tell her to give me back my favourite sequinned thong". "I can't", she said. Horatio sighed in despair. "My mermaid eggs are nestled in its pouch." When Archie was lost, Horatio decided to make a sandcastle. It looked very real, but unfortunatelly, a wave came along and washed away Horatio's speedos and towel so all that was left was his modesty. "Help! I'm complete naked and I can hear footsteps!" He quickly lay down but it was too late. Lancelot had seen that horrible scene. Shortly after that, something fell out of the coconut. It was an invitation to a thong party. So he at once stripped off his pants to reveal his lovely bum and Mr. Fantastic arrived stretching out his latex suite because he hadn't used it for two years so it had shrunk to tiny proportions, only suitable for a codpieced Mr. Fantastic.

Trying to figure out how it was possible to fit his beautiful touche into said suit, perhaps some butter would fit in cute speedos that were once owned by Speedo King Julian and worn on the very special occasion that was his weddingday. His bride wore a white while he wore his white overcoat to match, but suddenly he had tomato sauce all over the front of his new thong. Alice licked her vanilla ice cream with nonchalant disdain until a wasp settled unnoticed on her nose. Horatio bravely leapt forward and took the icecream right away and squished the crusty cone with his hands, throwing it at the wasp and killed it without mercy. Dripping, with sweat, he turned to Archie and yelled: "Run, the nest is regruping to attack us. Pellew's already been stung and we must resist tossing Julian to them for a good laugh! We have to make a scale model of my bum so that the insects have something to ponder about while we run off to the Krispy Kreme doughnuts shop for coffee and muffins. But wait a minute! The Queen has left the building! We need to put my bum into spandex urgently!" But Lancelot had taken Invisible Woman to vacation! She remained invisible, permanently. Proving awkward when Reed tried to pass her on her way out the door with Lancelot. Then suddenly Lancelot turned and remembered that he had to run some memorabilia shops in Sarmatia. Items on sale were extremely sucessful. Even Lady Godiva's underwear went like it was never there. Lancelot got Reed in trouble by cutting a hair of his chest. "No! My last one!" Reed cried. "How will women want my bum?" Lancelot replied: "They'll have to make do with with the eyelashes instead! And, no you can't wear red speedos either!! They make your bum appear to be too big! You need to stretch yourself a bit so that the rest looks better." Reed didn't have a clue what he should do next. So Lancelot decided that he would get in the Fantasticar with the special stretchy seats so he can relax his long, lean limbs with his own personal massage from the lovely hands of one of his ladies in waiting. Ranchera was in charge of the whole masseuse operation, including covering his bum with her flowing hair. Meanwhile, Reed was sitting there still clueless. He took a magazine, called: 'How to make your bum raiders behave themselves.' He became totally engrossed with the foldout pictures. Especially the full colour article: 'desperate bumraiders'. It explained the IBRP phenomenon and the various ways in which they attack the bums of unsuspecting Sarmatian knights and sailors under the cover of being innocent bystanders and harmless housewives and teachers, but where legendary bums are just too irresistable to leave behind without giving those bottoms a good ol' whack. Horatio looked for some cream for on his beautiful bottom, a bright red handprint had emerged, causing much laughter on board. Horatio didn't think it amusing, since he was in great pain. The glowing of his buttock resembled Julian's favorite speedo and alerted the ship's crew to call 'FIRE!' Styles rushed over with an extended hose and sprayed water all over Horatio's face. "Styles, give me a sausage pizza." "What on Earth for?", asked the befuddled Styles. "To rub on my glowing buttocks!" He explained. "But the pepperoni is too spicy!" Styles argued. "I like the tingling!", Horatio yelled. Styles went down below to get his oven gloves so he wouldn't singe his delicate little hands whilst tending to the smoking he smelt something burning. "Ouch! My bum!" "Grab a bucket and sit in it! Quick! Or your bum will be ruined forever! So if you want to keep that soft peachyness make sure the IBRP don't overdo the pinching. They should just stick to a gentle massage like Lancelot enjoyed when KibbleKat gave him one...; Ranchera gave the other. A massage that is!" "But," Horatio said. "I Was the best ever!" Both bottoms were identical, since they exercised regularly. Lancelot laughed at Horatio's wit. "Mine is still very soft and peachy thanks to Ranchera's professional kneading technique and also KibbleKat's happy and bright smile, not to mention all the glowing volunteers." Suddenly a shout was heard from across the ship. Invaders were boarding , bringing pizza and disposable cups and plates so Styles wouldn't have to do the washing up which leaves more time to chase IBRP members around the ship. It is fun to catch stowaways who have only their underwear on and are poor! Now, this one right here is the best!! Don't you just love us lots. "Give us some beer and rum! ho ho!" said the stowaways as they gathered themselves. "Hey! Last call for alcohol! And ahey, ahey, aheyahowaheyawa!!" The rum was green.... "Do you think it's a new rum mixer?" "Let's ask Horatio. He will want some." So, they trotted off only to find him mobbed by the LOTF. The LOTF quickly grabbed the rum and ran onto the deck, only Horatio had drunk the horrid stuff. Minutes later, still trying to breathe, Horatio gasped out "OMG, I can see two turntables and a microphone. Let's play karaoke bar!" Lancelot grabbed the microphone and lustily sang the chorus of "She's a brick house!" And everyone started to dance about. Unfortunately, Pellew didn't look where he was dancing and tripped up over the railing. A big lump appeared on his ****. Good thing lancelot had a cold compress or it would have become really swollen and maybe even infected! However he discovered that the cold compress was in fact not a cold compress, rather a hot piece of leftover pizza with anchovies from the fresh catch that Horatio managed to get with a piece of string and a safety pin, which he borrowed from Styles' extensive collection of twisted metal objects and dried rat skeletons. "Ow!" He just cut himself. The secret Vampire stowaway latched upon the injury.... Oooohhh!!! Cliffhanger!! :wink:

Thanks for the huge giggles, HH! :hug

Just as the hatch-door opened and out came Captain Sawyer! "Ha! Caught you mutineers plotting against...” "Against? Not poor Horatio!! But he was cleared!" protested the other shipmates as the Vampire shrank eyed up Horatio's bum and took a nibble. Alice the furry rat sank her teeth into the Vampire saying: "Hey! Stay away from that. That bum is MINE!!!" They ended up fighting. Teeth and claws blurred as Pellew watched with awe. That rat was holding on with all her might while Archie hit the shark with used pizza boxes. "Bad! Shark! You've made teeth bleed! Now you're gonna be tonight's fish fillet!" The shark gulped and had a heartattack and Rigor Mortis descended upon the horrible creature and so they turned back and went away. The pizzas had gone cold, but Styles microwaved them and everyone sat down and decided to eat. "I hate pepperoni," Matthews said, flipping them up and lobbing it at Horatio with his penknife. Horatio complied by biting heartily on a sausage. "This tastes like chicken." Styles laughed. "It's really part of that shark.” Horatio turned green and tossed his cookies over the side of the Indy onto Simpson's jolly boat that was about to sail to Hawaii. "Pineapple is my favourite fruit", said Simpson. "I could eat 10.000 pineapples in a week.” "Don't be silly" said Horatio. "I know for a fact that you're just a little conniving, back-stabbing rogue that should be dumped back into the seaweedy bog where you belong." And then he actually did that. Simpson fit to be tied!!!! "I'll do it!" said Pellew. "He's always been a woman to me! I'll sign him up to my deportment classes. He'd look good in Prada!" He walked away but then there was a loud bang. Pellew was shot and Archie was quick to realize that it was just a flesh wound. "I almost thought that Simpson would kill Horatio." "Well" said Simpson "I couldn't help myself. Let's party instead! You know who throws the best parties. Especially unbirthday ones!” "Rhum for everyone!" They all cried together raising their tankards of dark foaming beer and singing sea chantys with a naughty old Welsh refrain. "Teehee!!" said Simpson "Don't you know that if you sing that you'll get into terrible trouble with the evil British royals? Queen Elizabeth has lots of savage corgis.” "My rat could eat one of those corgis”, said Styles, pulling out his favorite gray rat. However, the rat had no eyes and no teeth. "Ugh!" shouted Matthews. "That looks like a hairless Chihuahua!" "No," Styles said. "It's Rufus, he's a disease that causes an uncontrollable urge to dance the hornpipe on ice, wearing nothing but a codpiece and a---" "That's too much!" Horatio said, turning bright red. “Now, all we need is a cold shower!” "Hands to the pumps!" Take a deep breath and enjoy the cold spray of foamy, salty seawater as it soaks delicately into one's pores and gently exfoliates your best boy's bum and makes it smooth and soft to the touch, just like a baby's bottom when it's freshly oiled and scrubbed. "Let's oil Horatio's bum",said Kay, very happily. She reached for a bottle of oil, but all she could find was a pot of buttercream and a mini spatula. "That'll work for me." "Hey! Anybody got a barrel of rhum for our unbirthday party? We ordered tequila but it disappeared mysteriously when Kay arrived. I think Santa-Ioan must have brought some more though, because reindeer evidence was everywhere.” "Let's crack open a nut and see what happens when we hold it close to the roasting fire. This chestnut is going to be killed in the flames, a fiery brimstone hell that is known as The Nut Cracker!” "I think I'd prefer Swan Lake," Styles answered. "I like the pretty tights and tutus and I know that I'm destined to dance in some recital at Christmas. You probably knew already, that I like dressing up." Everyone looked at Styles as if he had gone completely insane. "Styles," Horatio said, taking care not to hurt his feelings, because he didn't want to do that. "Have you ever really loved a woman?" Matthews asked, while he chawed his tobacco. "Captain Pellew dressed up once in a pink tutu for an American Halloween party, but he stood tall and didn't care what people said. I liked that because it brought out the colour of my eyes. I shall wear it again one day, when I get married. Sadly, that is in my dreams as my future bride was last seen running for her life down towards the waiting arms of Superman.” They flew beyond the clouds, and then he dropped her. "Oops", he said and tried to grab her but just missed her and she splattered on the deck of the Grand Turk where she was swept up into a trash can and was put out for the trashman. He was surprised to find a large man in tights, standing right before his eyes. "Bwhahahahaha!!! You look ridiculous!" he would chortle loudly. "No you are the one who has stolen what remains of my life biography and rum. Now what will I do with you? I think that it's time to go for a long walk off a short pier." Then he took something out of his big bag and put it on his head then he began to summon Lancelot closer. "I'll get you, my friend! You just wait. There in the corner stands a very smalll stool, over which you can sit and wonder about all the many things you did wrong!" Suddenly a large, hairy rat came along and Styles advanced towards it. He drew his pistol and looked at the hairy beast and proceeded with extreme great caution. Suddenly there was a loud bang. Then the hairy beast dived over to get to the cheese that was lying right next to the box that was filled with sticks of dynamite that could explode every thirty seconds and then change colour and turn on the tv. Nobody had noticed that it wasn't very important. So they all cracked open a box of Christmas rhum and began to sing their favorite Christmas songs along with all the knights. Lancelot sang "Silent Night" very loudly, making up rude words and laughing at "virgin". Until someone slapped him and then he withdrew sulking into a heap on the floor nursing a large bottle of imported brandy. Captain Hornblower wanted to share, but Lancelot was so greedy that he wouldn't do it. "Lancelot, you can't possibly drink all of that, especially when there are so many guttermaidens that aren't drunk!" Lancelot grinned sheepishly and handed over the bottle reluctantly saying: "Here, try not to drink it all at once." Ofcourse we did just that! Both laughing together drunk then falling over the table, flying into Annabell. Being sober she was not amused at all. Horatio blushed, while lancelot grinned and said: "Hey! Give me back my bottle. I hadn't finished." She looked at him and thought: He's hot! Suddenly there was a loud crash as Lancelot tripped over a large bucket landing in a drunken heap. "Somebody saaaaave me!" he called pathetically. Kay looked over, grinning slyly. "This should be fun". She saved Lancelot from all the crazy barmaids that circled like ravenous vultures. Leading him away, she laughed, saying: "Guttermaidens Unite!" Then she grabbed a handful of soft, shiny curls and started to kiss him intensely. "Wow!" she exclaimed. As the other guttermaidens gathered around them and started to screech loud and rather annoyingly, and then they grabbed rather large amounts of any other curls. Lancelot started to be really nervous, bravely Horatio shouted: ''You can have me!'' Instantly there was a mad dash for the worried looking Captain who suddenly realized the implication of his reckless comment, which made perfect sense to all the guttermaidens. Rubbing their hands together they schemed a dangerous plan of attack. "You can't do that", said a voice from behind. The voice was almost eerie, and the guttermaidens stopped in their tracks when they realised who had ordered them to stop what they were plotting...

"No," said Lancelot. "Have us both!" Smiling, the guttermaidens immediately began to trap the poor guys in a corner. Their well-manicured hands grasping wildly at anything that they could tear off the freaked out bodies of the two well-toned blokes. Matthews and Styles randomly appeared out of the blue and started to carouse with everyone. "Put the chicken back, Lancelot, and ruffle my..." The rest was cut off by a sudden gale force wind. "Ahoy, there", said a voice that sounded familiar, like a certain sailor who boasted a French captain's red jacket and hat. "Can I join in?" Jack Sparrow asked. "Well, if you must," Horatio said, reluctantly. He didn't really have any intention of letting a pirate bamboozle his way onto the Indi so Horatio made a fair attempt at knocking him off the quarterdeck where Captain Jack had decided to lie down with a raging migraine, brought on by all the shouting of long deprived women. "Take one of these", said Kay, trying to be helpful. But then the bottle of pills disappeared in Jack's throat. Much like rum down a guttermaiden's throat when they just had to rush him to hospital. Luckily Jack was saved! But they had to remove his tonsils because it was the only way to get the ghastly greenish infection from the dark recesses of his throat and mouth. "Where is the rhum?" he slurred, characteristic of a certain Rolling Stones band member, but not the one that everyone would have thought of. It’s been a long journey. Everyone was tired. "Let's have some rhum." Horatio grabbed the bottle and would have taken a couple of guttermaidens below deck to tour the officers' quarters but one crazed guttermaiden snatched Horatio's hat and then threw it over deck! "Noooooooo!!" He cried. "You don't know how much that thing cost me!" The guttermaiden looked sheepish, saying: "The rhum made me do it. Honestly!" Grimacing, Horatio slowly shook his head saying: "Women..." "You love us really." The guttermaidens batted their eyes and smiled at the blushing captain, who withdrew his long-favored 7", make that 9" dagger, which he swiftly cut the laces on YoYoFan's green corset. "Help!" YoYo screamed. "Horatio please..." Horatio looked hurt and said: "I thought that you had fainted and I saw Jack do it to you and figured it would help.” Yo Yo felt sorry for having stopped him and gave him a kiss which made him very happy and then he decided he really didnt need the dagger to help him revive Yo Yo. He could use his extremely reliable secret weapon. It glowed in the soft moonlight, eerily like a shrieking, or rather a shrinking, or perhaps shirking in energy and stamina. He bent down to retrieve it with both hands but it wiggled away. "Well that was odd", muttered Captain Jack. And tipped the bottle of rhum overboard. "I'm through with this disgusting drink and all this hallucinating. So from now on I plan to drink nothing but the even stronger brand of gin, which I've got in my gross matted hair woven by Gawain's capable and terribly sexy hands and wearing Horatios hat slightly askew. Well, that was an interesting experience. The likes of which I think I shall once again experience." He began to moisturise his dreadlocks. "Gawain!" he yelled. "What happened to my moisturiser?! My dreads are sticking to my nose again and I can't see the pretty pink ribbons on my shoes!" Gawain shrieked in utter embarrassment. "Pink Ribbons!" he spluttered. "Yes, arent they just incredibly manly?" he gushed. "No! They're hideous! I have never seen such a disgusting shade of pink. You could've at least put on some decent clothes. What is that you're wearing???" "More pink ribbons, duh!" "Sir, you nauseate me! I must go vomit..." *Pauses for vomiting sounds* "Wait, i've found something." His eyes widened with a burning lust for a certain young woman with dark ebony eyes and lips of crimson. It was the beautiful mysterious woman from the supermarket. She was tall and had an annoying limp when she walked. "Will you stop walking in the direction of my fantastic backside!!" yelled the suave, debonair, young captain. She said: "But it's not my fault that you do not cover up your very, very, very, very amazing fantastic, "Hornblower" posed, posterior!" she sobbed wildly. He hugged and comforted her until she stopped sobbing. "Sorry about the mascara!" he said. She dried her tears. What he actually meant was: "Please ogle my bum!" Which she did without delay. After a while he tired of such madness. So he decided to go on a Eighteen to Thirty holiday, which confused the girl. "Sun, sand and....s...angria!" "Well, slip, slap, slop!" She mothered him terribly but he loved it. For it made him remember his home and how he used to eat soggy biscuits from the floor. "Why did the dirt stick to my biccies?" he asked. We must really try to bow out gracefully, but just one last thing needs to be done. I need to go and continue on my quest to make you less miserable. Ioan came out to the middle of the big group and said to them all: "I am so bereft this is ending. I wish it didn't have to be this way. But like I said, my name's Lance and i'm a rescuingmaidensaholic! So here i am so save you all." He smiled and then bid us all goodnight. "Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite and your sweetest dreams will come true." THE END.

Now, there's something i heard......

This is it. This is the entire 4 word game. 4338 replies 31.184 views I've made some adjustments here and there to make better running sentences. Especially the last part was a little confusing. :???: But finally, i'm done. It was fun doing this. And a lot of fun to read it all again! :happy Thanks everyone!!

Whew, HH!!!!! What effort, so funny too!! You put in so much time, a real labor of friendship and love!!!!!!!!! Love the cartoon. Bravo!

thanks girl, that was... a rollercoaster ride! :faint What a story! I can't wait for the movie. :happy Couldn't be done by anone else by Spielberg.. :cool: :applause:

A cracking ending to the story! Bravo, HH. :applaud: I never realized how successful the 4 word game was and never took the time to read the whole thread from beginning to end while at IOL. So thank you for saving it and posting the story here, HH.