Forwarded Funnies
There are times we get funny things forwarded in e-mails, not quite jokes, but fun. I started this thread to share some. This is one my Mom sent written by Jeff Foxworthy that perfectly epitomizes the area I live in - People of the Pacific Northwest. Hope your find it funny, too. Residents of The Pacific Northwest , according To Jeff Foxworthy : 1. You know the state flower (Mildew) 2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash. 3. Use the statement "sun break" and know what it means. 4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee. 5 You know more people who own boats than air conditioners. 6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant. 7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" Signal. 8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain. 9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's. 10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon. 11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah , Oregon, Yakima and Willamette . 12. You consider swimming an indoor sport. 13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food. 14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days. 15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho. 16. You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain,"and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers." 17. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation 18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind. 19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover. 20. You notice, "The mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it. 21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka. 22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on. 23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain. 24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists. 25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time. 26. You measure distance in hours. 27. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day. 28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat. 29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall). 30. You actually understood! these jokes and will probably forward them

Well, now I feel I know your habitat alot better, GG! Numbers 6, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 24 and 25 could apply equally to North East England! :cold:

Yeah! For a former Cali girl that symbol :cold: represents a good two-thirds of the year. We actually have a commercial here that highlights sandals and socks guy. He's heading out in the rain with shorts, sandals and wool socks (probably a waterproof jacket with hood). Typical garb around here. The wind blows too hard for an umbrella.

:rotf: My Mom is from Everett (about 30 miles north of Seattle) and she used to joke about some of the things on that list, so I understand.

Yeah. Jeff Foxworthy got it right. Must have some Pacific Northwest experience. Everett gets a lot more rain than we do, so your Mom must really know Ship.

Hey Gaff - there's one of these for Chicago too. :wink:

Well I did a quick search and couldn't find the Chicago one. If you run across it, it would be fun to read. Since we are a multi-lingual site that uses English to communicate, I thought this might be fun to post. My Mom sent it to me. Subject: Mastering the English language Part 1 Can you read these right the first time? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Since we are on the English language... The English Language Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English language? Let's face it English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted But if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly Boxing rings are square And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth If the teacher taught, Why didn't the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables What the heck does a humanitarian eat!? Why do people recite at a play Yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and Drive on parkways You have to marvel at the unique lunacy Of a language where a house can burn up as It burns down And in which you fill in a form By filling it out And a bell is only heard once it goes! English was invented by people, not computers And it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all) That is why When the stars are out they are visible But when the lights are out they are invisible And why it is that when I wind up my watch It starts But when I wind up this observation, It ends.

Very clever and funny, Frances! :cool: , but do I surmise that the author is American? ("Two nations divided by a common language." was that Wilde or Shaw?)

Do the statements seem more American to you, Stevie? I kind of thought it was funny when you mentioned Indian Summer the other day. I would have thought that was a very American phrase. Now my Amish/ Mennonite Swiss German heritage carries over in the form of some unusual phrases. 1) I'll red up the dishes. 2) Do you think it's close in here? 3) Whatcha doing this forenoon? And because of pronounciation the name Jerry becomes Cherry.for some of my older relatives.

Thanks for posting all of this,Ladies. I love stuff like this!!!!!!!!

Very interesting, matie! GG, the word 'close' used in that context is very familiar to me (I think its more Scottish than English, over here though) Some of the phrases in Frances' post seemed more American to me, ie... We say aubergine, not eggplant We don't call them English muffins, just muffins (both types) We call it a phone box, not booth We have drives not driveways and don't have parkways at all Geordies have their own words for things too :- I might say to Ioan "Gan canny, bonny lad, an divvent ye fash aboot owt. Shy bairns get nowt, son!"

It is funny girls, but of course I have nothing like that.

Sorry,Stevie------translation for that last one????

For you, Matie..... Gan is 'go' and canny can mean 'fine' as in "I'm canny!" or 'very' as in "He was canny lucky there!". It can also mean 'carefully' as in "You need to gan canny wi' that!" Gan canny as in my sentence is really saying "Go with luck!" Bonny lad is a term of endearment generally used by both sexes ( not so young) for any young man (or 'lass' for young woman, of course) which is particularly apt in Ioan's case. Divvent is 'don't' as in "Divvent dunsh us!" (Don't push me!) Fash is 'bother' as in "Ah cannot be fashed!" (I can't be bothered!) Owt is 'anything' and nowt is 'nothing' Bairns are children. So what would I be saying to Ioan? :cool: